MARLON OPENS UP!
"Hi, my name is Marlon Brando, and I'm a Bloated Bladder..."
That is what was revealed today, exclusively to Wil Wheaton Press.
Editor SpongeBob said of the amazing revelation:
"It has taken us all by surprise. To make such an admission, and made exclusively to Wil Wheaton Press readers too! This has truly amazed everyone here at head office. We never even realised he was one of us!"
Marlon Brando, 198, star of The Godfather and Apocalypse Now, and inhabitant of Brando-Brando Island in the Bahamas, refused to add further comment to his previous message to the press.
Brando, who goes by the alias of MARLON232BRANDO on the Wil Wheaton website, had other Monkeys at first myhted and then stunned.
One Monkey; StarQuestarian, said in a passing comment earlier today:
"I never even knew it! I mean, where was this guy all of the time? I've e-mailed a few of the monkeys, and they'd seen the user around, but hadn't been able to put two and two together and come up with the inevitable conclusion of seven. I would have at least made six. Easy."
The HMIC (Head Monkey In Charge) is said to be astounded:
Brando's message in full, which he issued to Wil Wheaton Press shortly before going for a bathe along his own private stretch of beach on Brando-Brando Island (a bathe period in which the world's oceans rose a dramatic three inches) reads as follows:
"It is... with pure clarity, in my decision today, that I tell the world that firstly I am Marlon Brando, and I'm a Bloated Bladder. And secondly that in my twilight years of 198 onwards, I am forever proud to be a Monkey here at WWDN. I no longer find the need for acting, public speaking, raising money for obscure Indian tribes, or releasing my bladder pressure more than once a month. I am Marlon Brando, I am a Bloated Bladder, and I am damn proud of being a WWDN monkey."
Marlon lives at his large villa on Brando-Brando Island with his son Marlon, his wife Marlona, and his two dogs Vito and Corleone.